Set your phasers on…automatic?

Our automatic response is to defend ourselves and attack others.  And this makes sense; no one likes to have their character attacked and in response we feel we need to question others’ character.  It’s the classic bully phenomenon; bully because others bully you or so others don’t bully you.  But this kind of response takes a toll on the people we care about the most.  {This entry piggy-backs on an earlier entry of mine: “Love means… (for every relationship).}  I have found that in close relationships, I seem to get in a rut of responses.  And we all do it.  An accurate example of this is tonight when my mother assumed I had an accusatory and hurtful motive behind asking her if she had found something I asked her earlier in the day to find for me.  I had just returned from an errand and only wondered if she had found what I asked for.  I had no ill-mannered intentions behind the question, but since many times interactions in our family are with a rude tone and I was asking if it was done, she assumed I was upset and thought I was upset it had not been done.  Now, she is not the only one that does this by far.  I will be the first to admit I do this all the time.  So much of the time we walk around without being 100% conscientious of what is really going on around us.  We live life in a blur, so it is no wonder we have the same reactions and assume the worst.  But how do we fix this problem and make the most of the time with those we care about?  I don’t have all the answers, but if I have learned one thing, it is important to you can set your ego aside and admit when you’re wrong and ill-mannered.  It is okay to make mistakes as long as in the future we make a concise effort to avoid the same mistakes, pluck up the courage to say we’re sorry, and treat others with the respect we would want for ourselves, especially those we care about.

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